It's gonne hurt bad before it gets better - Keith Urban "Tonight I Wanna Cry"
I'm not really sorry for the plethora of depressing posts lately, because it's my blog and I can type whatever I want. Most of the people who read this are friends of mine so you all pretty much know how I am feeling anyway so if it is a great shock now then I guess you weren't that great of a friend to begin with.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Just When I Think I'm Getting Better...
It hit me like a ton of bricks tonight.
I don't know why really, or what it is, but all of the sudden I am driving home and I just started bawling and so of course I can't see because of the tears and that's when I was this-close to driving my car off the bridge. I don't know what it was that just made me cry out of the blue, I suppose it was the song but still, it took me by surprise. I haven't cried like this in a long time. It's a good thing I was almost home, it was one of those cries where your head hurts so bad afterwards and your face feels like it is on fire and you're so upset you start hyperventilating.
I wish Friday and Saturday could just keep happening over and over for the rest of the summer. Teetz and Kayleen and Chaz and I can keep going out and drinking and having fun and have piggy back races downtown. I was less sad this weekend than I have been in a long time. It never went away and it won't ever go away completely, but it was less. I wish I could have that longer and more often. Or maybe I am doomed for the rest of my life now to have some good days followed by a complete reversal to the dark side. Who knows.
One thing I do know now though, I am completely without a doubt not remotely hungry at all. That's no good, I lost five more pounds last week. People are noticing again, even at work. Oh well. If I waste away I won't have the energy to cry.
Now I am good and worn out, I might sleep through the night tonight. But don't count on it. There's not really a whole lot you can count on anymore. Sometimes you just gotta say "Fuck it".
I don't know why really, or what it is, but all of the sudden I am driving home and I just started bawling and so of course I can't see because of the tears and that's when I was this-close to driving my car off the bridge. I don't know what it was that just made me cry out of the blue, I suppose it was the song but still, it took me by surprise. I haven't cried like this in a long time. It's a good thing I was almost home, it was one of those cries where your head hurts so bad afterwards and your face feels like it is on fire and you're so upset you start hyperventilating.
I wish Friday and Saturday could just keep happening over and over for the rest of the summer. Teetz and Kayleen and Chaz and I can keep going out and drinking and having fun and have piggy back races downtown. I was less sad this weekend than I have been in a long time. It never went away and it won't ever go away completely, but it was less. I wish I could have that longer and more often. Or maybe I am doomed for the rest of my life now to have some good days followed by a complete reversal to the dark side. Who knows.
One thing I do know now though, I am completely without a doubt not remotely hungry at all. That's no good, I lost five more pounds last week. People are noticing again, even at work. Oh well. If I waste away I won't have the energy to cry.
Now I am good and worn out, I might sleep through the night tonight. But don't count on it. There's not really a whole lot you can count on anymore. Sometimes you just gotta say "Fuck it".
Good Weekend/Bad Day
I haven't consumed so much alcohol in a long time. We went out again last night, smaller group this time, just me, Teetz, Chaz and Kayleen. It was a good time though and there are more pictures, but they're on facebook so go look there. Had some dinner at Brewsky's, the pork chops were delicious! Hung out at Sandy's, duh, and then Duffy's. Chaz and I were going to get a Shark Water fishbowl because that's about all we could afford between the two of us, since the end of the evening was near and, well, we all drank a lot and spent a lot of money. Dave was working that night so I asked for that one and he's like, "Shark Water is for the designated driver, neither of you are driving are you?" and we were both like, no...so he gave us a Red Snapper fishbowl instead. I love Dave. That's why I love Duffy's so. He takes care of is there, just like Cole takes care of us at Sandy's. We hit Lazari's too, which is always good, there were no fights like the last time we were there and no bitches. Last time we went for pizza, some girls had been in the bathroom together and after they got out Kayleen went in and was in there like two seconds before some dumb bitch started banging on the door telling her to get out. The chick thought she was in there with someone and called her a bunch of names and shit, so when Kayleen came back to the table and told me this I of course got pissed, because that's what happens when I drink whiskey and get angry. I just remember Drake grabbing my shoulders so I couldn't get up and Kayleen actually sat down on my lap so I also could not get up. I probably would've gotten in a fight that night myself, but I take great offense when people talk shit to my friends. And whiskey makes me fight bitches.
Everything was pretty much the usual last night, drank a lot, had some pizza, acted like idiots on the way back to the car, same old same old. Chaz peed on a building, Teetz and I fell in the grass, and he also tried to pull me into the fountain by Anderson but I would have none of that. We did not have nearly the debauchery we did the night before, this was a little more calm, and it was fun.
Today though, I just have this sudden like, I don't know, I'm just sad again. Not like, crying my eyes out I am so depressed sadness, but just a, "Wow...I can have that much fun without him...But I don't want to....But I have to...." It's ridiculous, this big tug-of-war is going on inside my head and sometimes it just drives me nutso.
I think people should say the things they mean, and mean the things they say. When you don't, that's what makes you untrustworthy.
My apartment is very cool and I am enjoying it immensely. However, it is hardly even warm outside, but I know if I turn the air off it'll be an oven in about five seconds.
I have a work meeting tonight, oh joy. The Depot is not as bad now that I am back on days again, some of the policies are just annoying.
Yesterday afternoon Amy and I went to the Iron Brush and talked to them about her tattoo, and I found a really awesome design I want to put around the letters of mine. It's getting a little more expensive but it'll be worth it, and the guys remember me now so I know it'll be cool when I actually go get it done. I think I want Nate to do it, I talked to him the most besides Kevin, who does the piercings. I actually saw Nate last night at Duffy's when Chaz and I went out for a smoke. It was random.
I enjoy smoking far too much. I am a hypocrite and I DON'T CARE. I couldn't smoke regularly though. I don't know why.
I did a bigtime purge of my friends list on Facebook. I removed a ton of people, at least 40, probably a few more. It's not a popularity contest and some of the people who have added me I'm like, we aren't friends, why are you bothering? Pretty much the people who are on my list now are on there becuase I want them to be, and because I actually am FRIENDS with them. Duh.
My stomach hurts. Not from the alcohol or anything, it's one of those emotional stomach aches, ugh. They're the worst because no medicine in the world makes those go away. I might just go watch some television and get lost in the make believe world of Buffy for a while, see if that helps.
Everything was pretty much the usual last night, drank a lot, had some pizza, acted like idiots on the way back to the car, same old same old. Chaz peed on a building, Teetz and I fell in the grass, and he also tried to pull me into the fountain by Anderson but I would have none of that. We did not have nearly the debauchery we did the night before, this was a little more calm, and it was fun.
Today though, I just have this sudden like, I don't know, I'm just sad again. Not like, crying my eyes out I am so depressed sadness, but just a, "Wow...I can have that much fun without him...But I don't want to....But I have to...." It's ridiculous, this big tug-of-war is going on inside my head and sometimes it just drives me nutso.
I think people should say the things they mean, and mean the things they say. When you don't, that's what makes you untrustworthy.
My apartment is very cool and I am enjoying it immensely. However, it is hardly even warm outside, but I know if I turn the air off it'll be an oven in about five seconds.
I have a work meeting tonight, oh joy. The Depot is not as bad now that I am back on days again, some of the policies are just annoying.
Yesterday afternoon Amy and I went to the Iron Brush and talked to them about her tattoo, and I found a really awesome design I want to put around the letters of mine. It's getting a little more expensive but it'll be worth it, and the guys remember me now so I know it'll be cool when I actually go get it done. I think I want Nate to do it, I talked to him the most besides Kevin, who does the piercings. I actually saw Nate last night at Duffy's when Chaz and I went out for a smoke. It was random.
I enjoy smoking far too much. I am a hypocrite and I DON'T CARE. I couldn't smoke regularly though. I don't know why.
I did a bigtime purge of my friends list on Facebook. I removed a ton of people, at least 40, probably a few more. It's not a popularity contest and some of the people who have added me I'm like, we aren't friends, why are you bothering? Pretty much the people who are on my list now are on there becuase I want them to be, and because I actually am FRIENDS with them. Duh.
My stomach hurts. Not from the alcohol or anything, it's one of those emotional stomach aches, ugh. They're the worst because no medicine in the world makes those go away. I might just go watch some television and get lost in the make believe world of Buffy for a while, see if that helps.
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Pictures!
Blogger was being lame-o and wouldn't let me put these with the actual post, so here are some of my fave shots from last night, including the last picture which was the inspiration for the title of the last post.
Brett, Kayleen and I being badasses.
Brett and I being our sexxxy selves.
Kayleen and I looking sooooooo good.
Teetz and I also looking soooooooo good.
Teetzen Sandwich! It was delicious.
Unfortunately my battery died in my camera, but the rest are posted on Facebook for those of you on my list that have access. I fully intend to take more great shots tonight. There's one in particular that Chaz took on his phone which needs to be posted, ASAP.
Everyone Needs A Teetzen Sandwich
I had a blast last night. Granted, I did post about being bummed that I couldn't go to Grand Island because of the car situation, but with Teetz's brother being in town they were going to hit downtown hard and generally hang like we used to. I figured this would be good for me, since it would be one of the first times in a long time I've gone out like this without Drake.
I am so glad I did, I had a ball.
I wasn't going to bother dressing up or doing the make-up or anything, but then I was talking to Rox and she's like, you should, you're going out, you're single, you'll feel good if you look good kind of thing. I am so glad I listened to her. I was all dolled up, and me and Teetz and Chaz and some of Teetz's friends, plus Brett and Jason and Kayleen were all downtown drinking and having a good time such as we do. We hit Cliff's, not my fave, but whatev. Then Sandy's of course, where some sorority sisters also showed up, ones I haven't seen in a while, Kotan and Tricia and Meggles. I miss those girls a lot. Then on to Woody's, where Chaz and I did shots of Goldschlager and then skipped out to go buy smokes. I know I am horrible, but I smoke so much when I drink, it's ridiculous. Then we headed to The Spigot to end the evening and Teetz was carrying Kayleen and Chaz was giving me a piggy back ride, and then I was gave him one and we were so drunk we actually fell down, it was great. I have never laughed so hard in my life. At The Spigot Teetz and I danced all crazy and yes we kissed like always, but it was our usual, asexual-lips-closed kiss, cuz that's how we roll. Then it was last call and we walked toward the parking lot but all the guys had to go to the bathroom, so apparent;y Teetz peed on some random building, while Chaz and I went to the gyro place. They redid the bathrooms since last summer when Drake had to chase me across the street to there from Jimmy John's because Teetz called me anorexic and I broke the soap dispenser. It makes sense to me anyway. But then Chaz and I come out of the gyro place and Teetz and Kayleen and Brian are gone. So we're walking toward the car and some random skanky guy makes some skanky comment about my ass and I got annoyed and I'm calling Teetz to find out where he is but he was calling Chaz at the same time so Chaz and I just kept walking and we were drunk and missed the parking lot by Anderson and ended up in front of Gamma Phi, so we had walked a block too far and had to double back. Teetz sat in the backseat with me and passed out in my lap, so I just went to his apartment, where Brian dropped us off. Teetz promptly went to sleep while Chaz and I decided to eat everything in sight, and we deep fried some chicken tenders and kept trying to wake Teetz up to see if he wanted any. Looking back, using the deep-fryer was probably not a good idea, being as drunk as we were, but they turned out good and we didn't burn the place down. We were up until four am almost, Chaz fell asleep before then cuz we'd been talking and Silas called so then I ended talking to him and he was upset about something that had happened and by the time I was off the phone Chaz was completely out and so was Teetz, so I slept in his bed with him. He is a big bed hog and I did not appreciate fighting Teetz for the covers. I think if the evening plays out the same way tonight, I will take the couch and Chaz can share the bed with his brother, Mr. Kicky. I swear, I honestly had like, no room at all cuz he was laying all curled up, but Teetz is so tall that even curled up, he took up most of the room. I retaliated by taking both pillows though, so it worked out in the end. We all finally got moving around noon, enjoyed a delicious lunch at The Old Country Buffet on O Street, where Chaz and I sampled some questionable hamburger, and we are on for round two tonight, where I am sure more hilarity and chaos will ensue.
I am so glad I did, I had a ball.
I wasn't going to bother dressing up or doing the make-up or anything, but then I was talking to Rox and she's like, you should, you're going out, you're single, you'll feel good if you look good kind of thing. I am so glad I listened to her. I was all dolled up, and me and Teetz and Chaz and some of Teetz's friends, plus Brett and Jason and Kayleen were all downtown drinking and having a good time such as we do. We hit Cliff's, not my fave, but whatev. Then Sandy's of course, where some sorority sisters also showed up, ones I haven't seen in a while, Kotan and Tricia and Meggles. I miss those girls a lot. Then on to Woody's, where Chaz and I did shots of Goldschlager and then skipped out to go buy smokes. I know I am horrible, but I smoke so much when I drink, it's ridiculous. Then we headed to The Spigot to end the evening and Teetz was carrying Kayleen and Chaz was giving me a piggy back ride, and then I was gave him one and we were so drunk we actually fell down, it was great. I have never laughed so hard in my life. At The Spigot Teetz and I danced all crazy and yes we kissed like always, but it was our usual, asexual-lips-closed kiss, cuz that's how we roll. Then it was last call and we walked toward the parking lot but all the guys had to go to the bathroom, so apparent;y Teetz peed on some random building, while Chaz and I went to the gyro place. They redid the bathrooms since last summer when Drake had to chase me across the street to there from Jimmy John's because Teetz called me anorexic and I broke the soap dispenser. It makes sense to me anyway. But then Chaz and I come out of the gyro place and Teetz and Kayleen and Brian are gone. So we're walking toward the car and some random skanky guy makes some skanky comment about my ass and I got annoyed and I'm calling Teetz to find out where he is but he was calling Chaz at the same time so Chaz and I just kept walking and we were drunk and missed the parking lot by Anderson and ended up in front of Gamma Phi, so we had walked a block too far and had to double back. Teetz sat in the backseat with me and passed out in my lap, so I just went to his apartment, where Brian dropped us off. Teetz promptly went to sleep while Chaz and I decided to eat everything in sight, and we deep fried some chicken tenders and kept trying to wake Teetz up to see if he wanted any. Looking back, using the deep-fryer was probably not a good idea, being as drunk as we were, but they turned out good and we didn't burn the place down. We were up until four am almost, Chaz fell asleep before then cuz we'd been talking and Silas called so then I ended talking to him and he was upset about something that had happened and by the time I was off the phone Chaz was completely out and so was Teetz, so I slept in his bed with him. He is a big bed hog and I did not appreciate fighting Teetz for the covers. I think if the evening plays out the same way tonight, I will take the couch and Chaz can share the bed with his brother, Mr. Kicky. I swear, I honestly had like, no room at all cuz he was laying all curled up, but Teetz is so tall that even curled up, he took up most of the room. I retaliated by taking both pillows though, so it worked out in the end. We all finally got moving around noon, enjoyed a delicious lunch at The Old Country Buffet on O Street, where Chaz and I sampled some questionable hamburger, and we are on for round two tonight, where I am sure more hilarity and chaos will ensue.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Sad Day
So I may not be going to Grand Island tonight and that makes me sad. Because of the accident Grandpa and Mom both nixed the idea, but Mom was cranky with me when she said I couldn't go, so I might go anyway just to spite her. I tried explaining to her that : "DUH! ADAM IS HOME!" but even that didn't help, and she even likes Adam now, way after the fact. It's strange how that worked out.
Speaking of Adam, he is already bitching to Silas about Ashley so we are taking that as a good sign that he will get tired of her and all her psychotic-ness and dump her crazy ass. Silas said that he thinks part of her being so crazy is that she knows that Adam can pretty much any ass he wants because let's face it, he's very pretty, and Ashley wants to keep him with her all the time so he doesn't even have a chance to look at another girl. She freaks out even when Missy and I are around, because Adam dated both of us, so Ashley automatically assumes that means something now, even years later. What she really doesn't understand is that neither Missy nor I are interested in dating Adam, therefore she can stop being a raging lunatic. I am very psyched for the possibilities this summer for Silas, Adam, Mike and I to go downtown again, hang out at Jack's and Duffy's and stuff...those were always good times, and fishbowls were always consumed.
As for the friend situation that I have been venting about lately, I don't think it's any big secret I was talking about Teetz, a little bit. There were other people I had in mind too, but Teetz and I are peachy keen and everything is a-okay. One plus I can find to not going to GI this weekend is that Teetz's brother and his girlfriend are going to be in Lincoln, so I might actually have some competition, because we all know I can drink Baby Teetz under the table in a heartbeat. The older ones would all give me some hefty competition.
I've been working a lot, and hanging out. Amy drew some sweet designs to go with my tattoo, she's a doll. She's been drawing some different things to go around the tat, some crown-looking things, and it's going to look pretty sweet. If I don't go to GI, we're going to some shops tomorrow so she can talk to some guys about her design that she wants. I am so bummed about the accident, otherwise I'd probably have my tattoo by the end of June. But NOOOOOO, I have to wait. Grrrrr.Maybe it's better anyway that I do wait, because that way I will still be able to tan and stuff and if I get it later in the summer it won't be as big a deal because I will be nice and brown. I love being tan, I feel better.
I actually feel surprisingly good today, I think it something to do with the fact that I slept almost 12 hours. I feel refreshed. I'm glad I managed to sleep that long, I still wake up a lot at night, and it kind of weirds me out because I always wake up at the same time, every single night. I wake up around one a.m. and four a.m. and 6:15 a.m. Guaranteed, every night. Or morning, I should say. I'd like to be able to start sleeping through the night again.
Speaking of Adam, he is already bitching to Silas about Ashley so we are taking that as a good sign that he will get tired of her and all her psychotic-ness and dump her crazy ass. Silas said that he thinks part of her being so crazy is that she knows that Adam can pretty much any ass he wants because let's face it, he's very pretty, and Ashley wants to keep him with her all the time so he doesn't even have a chance to look at another girl. She freaks out even when Missy and I are around, because Adam dated both of us, so Ashley automatically assumes that means something now, even years later. What she really doesn't understand is that neither Missy nor I are interested in dating Adam, therefore she can stop being a raging lunatic. I am very psyched for the possibilities this summer for Silas, Adam, Mike and I to go downtown again, hang out at Jack's and Duffy's and stuff...those were always good times, and fishbowls were always consumed.
As for the friend situation that I have been venting about lately, I don't think it's any big secret I was talking about Teetz, a little bit. There were other people I had in mind too, but Teetz and I are peachy keen and everything is a-okay. One plus I can find to not going to GI this weekend is that Teetz's brother and his girlfriend are going to be in Lincoln, so I might actually have some competition, because we all know I can drink Baby Teetz under the table in a heartbeat. The older ones would all give me some hefty competition.
I've been working a lot, and hanging out. Amy drew some sweet designs to go with my tattoo, she's a doll. She's been drawing some different things to go around the tat, some crown-looking things, and it's going to look pretty sweet. If I don't go to GI, we're going to some shops tomorrow so she can talk to some guys about her design that she wants. I am so bummed about the accident, otherwise I'd probably have my tattoo by the end of June. But NOOOOOO, I have to wait. Grrrrr.Maybe it's better anyway that I do wait, because that way I will still be able to tan and stuff and if I get it later in the summer it won't be as big a deal because I will be nice and brown. I love being tan, I feel better.
I actually feel surprisingly good today, I think it something to do with the fact that I slept almost 12 hours. I feel refreshed. I'm glad I managed to sleep that long, I still wake up a lot at night, and it kind of weirds me out because I always wake up at the same time, every single night. I wake up around one a.m. and four a.m. and 6:15 a.m. Guaranteed, every night. Or morning, I should say. I'd like to be able to start sleeping through the night again.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Oh Hell
I feel kinda crappy. Last night I had a big thing of pasta, shrimp Alfredo at that! On the plus side, I was at the Macaroni Grill with Teetz. It was nice to hang out with him again, something that hasn't happened in large quantities for a while. We had a good long talk about all kinds of random crap. And there was cuddling, but not in the bad way. Teetz is an excellent cuddler.
Then, to continue with my icky-ness feeling, I had an Oreo Blizzard tonight and now I feel extra crappy. Yuck. Tomorrow will be much better.
***UPDATE***
I just got off the phone with Silas; Adam is going to be back safe and sound in Grand Island tomorrow!!!! Which means he will be here in time for the Blues Fest this weekend. Granted, his nasty girlfriend will probably be with him a while, but I have it on good authority he is sick of her shit already and he's not even in the state yet! That's hott. We'll get him single yet, just so we can find him someone who isn't insane or a lame. Or he can just get random ass for a few months, he's good at that too. Either way, as long as Ashley isn't around being a psycho bitch, we'll all me happy. Besides, Adam knows we hate her, his folks hate her, his brothers don't like her...the list goes on and on. But he's home tomorrow!!!!!!!!!
Then, to continue with my icky-ness feeling, I had an Oreo Blizzard tonight and now I feel extra crappy. Yuck. Tomorrow will be much better.
***UPDATE***
I just got off the phone with Silas; Adam is going to be back safe and sound in Grand Island tomorrow!!!! Which means he will be here in time for the Blues Fest this weekend. Granted, his nasty girlfriend will probably be with him a while, but I have it on good authority he is sick of her shit already and he's not even in the state yet! That's hott. We'll get him single yet, just so we can find him someone who isn't insane or a lame. Or he can just get random ass for a few months, he's good at that too. Either way, as long as Ashley isn't around being a psycho bitch, we'll all me happy. Besides, Adam knows we hate her, his folks hate her, his brothers don't like her...the list goes on and on. But he's home tomorrow!!!!!!!!!
Monday, June 19, 2006
Waiting
I was waiting. I feel like some part of me will always be waiting for you. Like if I'm old and blue-haired and I turn the corner in Istanbul, and there you are. I won't be surprised... Because you're with me, you know? - Willow "New Moon Rising"
"Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles"
Anna Nalick "Breathe"
My grandpa told me last night that he misses the granddaughter that existed during my first two years here at UNL. Good God, I miss that girl too. I wish I could find her again.
"Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles"
Anna Nalick "Breathe"
My grandpa told me last night that he misses the granddaughter that existed during my first two years here at UNL. Good God, I miss that girl too. I wish I could find her again.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Relapse
Sometimes all it takes is the first chords of a song; I don't even have to hear the whole thing and I lose it. Tonight it was this song:
When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I would offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love
When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
There's no doubt in my mind where you belong
I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love
The storms are raging on the rollin' sea
Down the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
But you ain't seen nothing like me yet
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
Make you happy, make your dreams come true
To make you feel my love
I feel like I've been split down the center and half of me is lost... - Willow "Something Blue"
When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I would offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love
When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
There's no doubt in my mind where you belong
I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love
The storms are raging on the rollin' sea
Down the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
But you ain't seen nothing like me yet
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
Make you happy, make your dreams come true
To make you feel my love
I feel like I've been split down the center and half of me is lost... - Willow "Something Blue"
Adventures in Hairstyling
JohnRoss will never be the same. At least he won't be until he gets out of the shower.
Tonight was a new experience for JohnRoss. Those of you who know him know he has very very curly hair, like this:
Tonight was a new experience for JohnRoss. Those of you who know him know he has very very curly hair, like this:
When I was done with him however, he looked like this:
This was short lived however, because five minutes later he was in the shower making his hair all curly again, like this:
Apparently he did not enjoy his straight hair nearly as much as Teetz and I did. Too bad.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
My Friend JohnRoss
I have had a very crappy day today. Crappier than most have been, save a few gut-wrenching ones from early May. And what does JohnRoss do? He surprises me by coming over to hang out with me and cheer me up. If you see JohnRoss any time soon, make sure you tell him how awesome he is.
I never knew there was anything inside me that could feel this bad - Willow, "Lover's Walk"
****EDIT****
JohnRoss just left now, and it's roughly one a.m. While I feel like my head is going to explode, it wouldn't be a bad explosion, so it's not horrible by any means. Just lots of stuff. I'm not sure how'd I'd have gotten through the last couple months without JohnRoss. Little brothers are actually quite logical and good listeners, even if they're telling you stuff you don't want to hear but you need to hear. Mostly because they have been through the same thing. So don't forget, if you see JohnRoss, you better tell him he is the coooooolest.
I never knew there was anything inside me that could feel this bad - Willow, "Lover's Walk"
****EDIT****
JohnRoss just left now, and it's roughly one a.m. While I feel like my head is going to explode, it wouldn't be a bad explosion, so it's not horrible by any means. Just lots of stuff. I'm not sure how'd I'd have gotten through the last couple months without JohnRoss. Little brothers are actually quite logical and good listeners, even if they're telling you stuff you don't want to hear but you need to hear. Mostly because they have been through the same thing. So don't forget, if you see JohnRoss, you better tell him he is the coooooolest.
Friday, June 16, 2006
A Day Off
I have been working the last five days, but it's nice, it keeps me busy. I love working during the day and having evenings for me again. My weekend ends up being Friday and Saturday, but I don't mind, it's still a weekend.
Silas and Mike left yesterday, kind of a bummer. I like having my good time drinkin' buddies around. It was so much easier when Silas was in Lincoln, then I got to see Mike and everyone more often. Now we're all kind of scattered and it makes me sad. A week from today I will be in Grand Island and I will have all my buddies in one place because Adam will be there too. Yay.
Teetz is 22 today. His birthday thing is tonight so I'll be downtown for a while. Good times.
An interesting situation has arisen lately and I am not sure how to deal with it. Very few of you actually know about this and I'm sorry for the cryptic ramblings, but I don't know what to do about it and it is frustrating. There are certain friends who are causing me to re-evaluate their place in my life. Sometimes they act like they want to be there and sometimes they don't. Choose one or the other, but do not continue to just fade in and out of my life.
I ate more chicken fried rice today, which I think is a big step for me, considering the last month and a half. June is not making things any easier, but at least I am trying. Well, some days I try. Other days I just say fuck it and don't eat because I don't feel like it.
Hung out with Brett last night. We watched Jackass and I drooled over Bam Margera. I wish I knew how to skateboard, it's so amazing to watch, I wish I could do half the shit they do. I love the random clips of Tony Hawk skating, he is so awesome, he will still be doing it when he's 60 and that's hott. So is Bam...*drool*...
That's all for now. I might take a nap, because I can.
Forgiveness is an act of compassion, Buffy. it's not done because they deserve it, but because they need it - Giles "I Only Have Eyes For You"
Silas and Mike left yesterday, kind of a bummer. I like having my good time drinkin' buddies around. It was so much easier when Silas was in Lincoln, then I got to see Mike and everyone more often. Now we're all kind of scattered and it makes me sad. A week from today I will be in Grand Island and I will have all my buddies in one place because Adam will be there too. Yay.
Teetz is 22 today. His birthday thing is tonight so I'll be downtown for a while. Good times.
An interesting situation has arisen lately and I am not sure how to deal with it. Very few of you actually know about this and I'm sorry for the cryptic ramblings, but I don't know what to do about it and it is frustrating. There are certain friends who are causing me to re-evaluate their place in my life. Sometimes they act like they want to be there and sometimes they don't. Choose one or the other, but do not continue to just fade in and out of my life.
I ate more chicken fried rice today, which I think is a big step for me, considering the last month and a half. June is not making things any easier, but at least I am trying. Well, some days I try. Other days I just say fuck it and don't eat because I don't feel like it.
Hung out with Brett last night. We watched Jackass and I drooled over Bam Margera. I wish I knew how to skateboard, it's so amazing to watch, I wish I could do half the shit they do. I love the random clips of Tony Hawk skating, he is so awesome, he will still be doing it when he's 60 and that's hott. So is Bam...*drool*...
That's all for now. I might take a nap, because I can.
Forgiveness is an act of compassion, Buffy. it's not done because they deserve it, but because they need it - Giles "I Only Have Eyes For You"
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Good Times
Mike and Silas are crashing here tonight, it's been nice having them around again, kind of like old times. We definitely miss the old apartment, and having them in Lincoln is kind of like everything is normal. We didn't have crazies and weirdos to deal with. That was nice. We had a lot of good times in that apartment, though there was more than one occasion where I was almost knocked out cold when Silas decided it would be a good idea to pick me up and spin me around on his shoulders as fast as he could.
I talked to Adam tonight briefly, he was going out to the bars too, but in Mississippi. It was weird sitting in a booth at Duffy's, me and Mike and Silas, with one spot open. That's just where Adam belonged, you know? So I had to call him and tell him we were drinking a fish bowl for him and he better hurry his ass up and get home. He should be home by the blues festival, so that's a plus, we'll see. I'm sure the reason he is hesitant is what Silas likes to call "The Big Showdown." Apparently it had been discussed who would win in a fight, me or Ashley. Lucky for me, the guys are on my side. Hopefully it won't come to that, in fact I know it won't because she certainly is not worth the two seconds it would take for my fist to hit her in the face. Hopefully Adam will come back, get it out of his system, and we can find him a nice girl who isn't fat and crazy and ugly. I know some of you might think this is harsh, but look at her and you will quickly agree with me.
Sadly, tonight could not be quite as fun as Sunday, since I work at 8, yuck. But my weekend is almost here, and Teetz's birthday is on Friday, so that's be a good time, plus I'll get to see Kayleen some more, and hang with people I haven't seen for a while. I wish Mike and Silas were going to be here for that, but they're heading back to Grand Island tomorrow. I get to see them in ten days though, so it's all good. Thank goodness for good friends. I love all of you very much.
I talked to Adam tonight briefly, he was going out to the bars too, but in Mississippi. It was weird sitting in a booth at Duffy's, me and Mike and Silas, with one spot open. That's just where Adam belonged, you know? So I had to call him and tell him we were drinking a fish bowl for him and he better hurry his ass up and get home. He should be home by the blues festival, so that's a plus, we'll see. I'm sure the reason he is hesitant is what Silas likes to call "The Big Showdown." Apparently it had been discussed who would win in a fight, me or Ashley. Lucky for me, the guys are on my side. Hopefully it won't come to that, in fact I know it won't because she certainly is not worth the two seconds it would take for my fist to hit her in the face. Hopefully Adam will come back, get it out of his system, and we can find him a nice girl who isn't fat and crazy and ugly. I know some of you might think this is harsh, but look at her and you will quickly agree with me.
Sadly, tonight could not be quite as fun as Sunday, since I work at 8, yuck. But my weekend is almost here, and Teetz's birthday is on Friday, so that's be a good time, plus I'll get to see Kayleen some more, and hang with people I haven't seen for a while. I wish Mike and Silas were going to be here for that, but they're heading back to Grand Island tomorrow. I get to see them in ten days though, so it's all good. Thank goodness for good friends. I love all of you very much.
One Piece of Good News
It's just a little after midnight, so technically not the 13th anymore. *Sigh*. I survived. Mostly.
Just got off the phone with Silas, and Adam is officially back in the US! Big sigh of relief. Completely unlike the previous sigh which was mostly angsty and sad. We won't see him for a couple weeks, but when we do, watch out, we will all be very very drunk for a very very long time. I can't wait to have all my boys back together again, it's been a long time coming and is definitely what I need right now.
Just got off the phone with Silas, and Adam is officially back in the US! Big sigh of relief. Completely unlike the previous sigh which was mostly angsty and sad. We won't see him for a couple weeks, but when we do, watch out, we will all be very very drunk for a very very long time. I can't wait to have all my boys back together again, it's been a long time coming and is definitely what I need right now.
Monday, June 12, 2006
Tomorrow...
...is going to suck.
I believe Keith urban said it best when he sang, "It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better".
I believe Keith urban said it best when he sang, "It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better".
Completely unrelated, here is the only picture so far of me and the new hair. I'm not drunk in the picture, and I have no make up on, and pretty much look like crap, but that's the best I can do for now.
Friends
I can not stress enough how much fun I had last night. I am surprised at how well I typed that post, considering I was more drunk last night than I had been probably since Fat Tuesday - and we all know I was completely BLITZED on Fat Tuesday. Anyway, it was me and Silas and Mike and JD and that's how it's supposed to be with those guys, you know? We went to the bar, played pool and talked and just hung out. I love all my friends in Lincoln dearly, but this was almost kind of an escape in itself, if that makes sense. They are about as removed from the situation as any of my friends can get, with the exception of those who actually never met him. The four of us were just sitting in a booth talking and singing and laughing, and talking about all kinds of shit and all the craziness of the old apartment when Silas and Adam lived up here. We're also definitely very ready for it to be the FIVE of us again, speaking of Adam. He's supposed to be back HOME HOME (meaning Doniphan) by the 4th of July. He's probably back in the states already, but he's in Mississippi where they're teaching him how to not be a killer anymore so he can merge back with the rest of society. I am so looking forward to drunken nights singing Johnny Cash and playing air guitars with my boys, everyone home safe and sound and accounted for.
I got new ringtones. A lot of people have their own, but don't feel bad if you don't. You will eventually. Teetz is "Dirty Little Secret", Brett is "Don't Stop Believin' ", Silas, Cody, Moose, Adam, Mike, Alex and JD are all "I Believe in a Thing Called Love" and Kayleen has "Slow Motion". Then I have assorted rings for regular calls, which right now include The Fray, OAR and Kelly Clarkson. And as always, "There Is No Place Like Nebraska" will always be my text messages.
I got new ringtones. A lot of people have their own, but don't feel bad if you don't. You will eventually. Teetz is "Dirty Little Secret", Brett is "Don't Stop Believin' ", Silas, Cody, Moose, Adam, Mike, Alex and JD are all "I Believe in a Thing Called Love" and Kayleen has "Slow Motion". Then I have assorted rings for regular calls, which right now include The Fray, OAR and Kelly Clarkson. And as always, "There Is No Place Like Nebraska" will always be my text messages.
The Best Therapy
Silas, Mike, JD.
That's all I need to say. I am really drunk and trying my best to edit this and spell check it, but my boys are what I need. Sandy's for Elk Creek, and The Spigot for everyhing else. Real drunk. I love my boys for taking care of me, didn't pay for a drink all night. They are the best. Shit....I work at nine.
That's all I need to say. I am really drunk and trying my best to edit this and spell check it, but my boys are what I need. Sandy's for Elk Creek, and The Spigot for everyhing else. Real drunk. I love my boys for taking care of me, didn't pay for a drink all night. They are the best. Shit....I work at nine.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Well Then
You ever just have parts of your life you want to skip over? I'd like to just skip this whole week, starting with tonight and going until oh, say, the rest of the month. Let's just get right to July, or better yet, let's just skip to NEXT June. Maybe by then it won't be so...so like this.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
My Tattoo
Don't freak out, I don't have it yet.
But I am working on it. In Hebrew, Sarah is spelled 'Sin-Resh-Heh' and princess is spelled 'Peh-Resh-Yud-Nun-Samech-Samech'. Here's a website so you can see the letters for yourself. Now, since Hebrew is written right to left, obviously this will be the other way around when all is said and done. I am still debating which one I am going to get. The way I figure it, pain is pain, what's the difference between three characters and six? I might as well go for the whole show and get 'princess'. We'll see how much each will cost and go from there.
UPDATE:
I went to a couple places tonight and found some guys that I liked who didn't weird me out, and some guys who were kind of creepy so they won't be poking my skin with needles. We shall see, right now the only thing that stopped me from getting it tonight was the $$$. Also, I know I do need to think about it some more and really decide why I am doing it. I just feel like so many other people, or one person in particular, have been controlling what happens in my life, even though they're not really doing it on purpose. My hair was my first step, and partially, this tattoo is the next step away from that. But also, it is something I have wanted to do for a long time and I was trying to find something I could truly be happy with. Now that I have an idea, I am already planning my second - assuming the first one doesn't kill me, ha ha. I have decided for sure that I am going to go with 'princess' in Hebrew, I just have to choose a location - this will be the toughest part. I wanted it on the back side of my arm, kinda like Drake's letters for those of you who saw any of his tattoos. The only problem with this is I could never wear sleeveless shirts of any kind at work. LPS is hard enough to get into the way it is, I don't want a tattoo to be the only reason I don't get a job - and it would be the only reason, because I am that fucking awesome.
But I am working on it. In Hebrew, Sarah is spelled 'Sin-Resh-Heh' and princess is spelled 'Peh-Resh-Yud-Nun-Samech-Samech'. Here's a website so you can see the letters for yourself. Now, since Hebrew is written right to left, obviously this will be the other way around when all is said and done. I am still debating which one I am going to get. The way I figure it, pain is pain, what's the difference between three characters and six? I might as well go for the whole show and get 'princess'. We'll see how much each will cost and go from there.
UPDATE:
I went to a couple places tonight and found some guys that I liked who didn't weird me out, and some guys who were kind of creepy so they won't be poking my skin with needles. We shall see, right now the only thing that stopped me from getting it tonight was the $$$. Also, I know I do need to think about it some more and really decide why I am doing it. I just feel like so many other people, or one person in particular, have been controlling what happens in my life, even though they're not really doing it on purpose. My hair was my first step, and partially, this tattoo is the next step away from that. But also, it is something I have wanted to do for a long time and I was trying to find something I could truly be happy with. Now that I have an idea, I am already planning my second - assuming the first one doesn't kill me, ha ha. I have decided for sure that I am going to go with 'princess' in Hebrew, I just have to choose a location - this will be the toughest part. I wanted it on the back side of my arm, kinda like Drake's letters for those of you who saw any of his tattoos. The only problem with this is I could never wear sleeveless shirts of any kind at work. LPS is hard enough to get into the way it is, I don't want a tattoo to be the only reason I don't get a job - and it would be the only reason, because I am that fucking awesome.
Monday, June 05, 2006
*Sigh*
We talked for half an hour tonight. I'm not sure if it made me feel worse or better. I think it's a little of both, strangely enough, if that's even possible. I really don't know how I feel right now, and probably won't until this weekend, when he and his buddies are in town. Hearing his voice was so difficult, and it was hard because some of the stuff we talked about, like family stuff, were things that we used to talk about, before. It was normal, like nothing had changed. Except everything has changed, and I don't know what to say except I want to see him but I don't. And with his friends coming along, I wouldn't even get more than five seconds anyway, and I am not sure how I feel about that either. Thus, all I can say right now is *sigh*.
Well.
I cut off more hair today. Three more inches to be exact, bringing the grand total to eight inches. There's some layering to it now too though, so some places lost a whopping 12 inches.
I am working on a design for a tattoo. If you don't like tattoos, sod off. I don't care what you think of them, I want one and I don't give a shit what your opinion is on them.
It bothers me sometimes that musicians can convey my feelings so much better than I can. Like, "Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt. Perfect, exact, right on the money. I wish I could write songs like that, because he says everything I am feeling. I can write, and I do it fairly well, just not songs.
For those of you who missed it last time, these are the lyrics I am talking about:
Did I disappoint you or let you down
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won
So I took what's mine by eternal right
Took your soul out into the night
It may be over but it won't stop there
I am here for you if you'd only care
You touched my heart you touched my soul
You changed my life and all my goals
And love is blind and that I knew when
My heart was blinded by you
I've kissed your lips and held your hand
Shared your dreams and shared your bed
I know you well, I know your smell
I've been addicted to you
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me
I am a dreamer and when I wake
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take
And as you move on, remember me
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile
I've watched you sleeping for a while
I'd be the father of your child
I'd spend a lifetime with you
I know your fears and you know mine
We've had our doubts but now we're fine
And I love you, I swear that's true
I cannot live without you
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me
And I still hold your hand in mine
In mine when I'm asleep
And I will bare my soul in time
When I'm kneeling at your feet
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me
I did a post about the idea of The One a while ago and I still believe it is true. There is One for everyone. Sometime the timing is just wrong. Sometimes everything is just wrong.
I am working on a design for a tattoo. If you don't like tattoos, sod off. I don't care what you think of them, I want one and I don't give a shit what your opinion is on them.
It bothers me sometimes that musicians can convey my feelings so much better than I can. Like, "Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt. Perfect, exact, right on the money. I wish I could write songs like that, because he says everything I am feeling. I can write, and I do it fairly well, just not songs.
For those of you who missed it last time, these are the lyrics I am talking about:
Did I disappoint you or let you down
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won
So I took what's mine by eternal right
Took your soul out into the night
It may be over but it won't stop there
I am here for you if you'd only care
You touched my heart you touched my soul
You changed my life and all my goals
And love is blind and that I knew when
My heart was blinded by you
I've kissed your lips and held your hand
Shared your dreams and shared your bed
I know you well, I know your smell
I've been addicted to you
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me
I am a dreamer and when I wake
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take
And as you move on, remember me
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile
I've watched you sleeping for a while
I'd be the father of your child
I'd spend a lifetime with you
I know your fears and you know mine
We've had our doubts but now we're fine
And I love you, I swear that's true
I cannot live without you
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me
And I still hold your hand in mine
In mine when I'm asleep
And I will bare my soul in time
When I'm kneeling at your feet
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me
I did a post about the idea of The One a while ago and I still believe it is true. There is One for everyone. Sometime the timing is just wrong. Sometimes everything is just wrong.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Wishes
I wish I could have the last year of my life back, but I can't.
I wish people wouldn't lie, but they do.
I wish I was stronger, but I'm not.
I wish love was forever. It's not, don't fool yourself.
I wish I could say what I was really thinking right now, because I don't think I've ever felt this alone in my entire life.
I wish people wouldn't lie, but they do.
I wish I was stronger, but I'm not.
I wish love was forever. It's not, don't fool yourself.
I wish I could say what I was really thinking right now, because I don't think I've ever felt this alone in my entire life.
Back To Square One
I had a 'date' with Brett tonight. We went to Chipotle and then saw X3. I liked it a lot though they fucked up hardcore with Phoenix. Cyclops wasn't supposed to die so soon, ugh. Then we hung out at Brett's place a while and talked and had 'serious' discussion time. Everyone keeps saying how much better I'm doing but I don't think it always occurs to people that even I need a break from crying. It doesn't always mean I am doing better, it just means I don't bawl when others are around like I used to. We talked about a lot of shit and it's making me feel worse, and he's going to be here sometime soon and I don't think I can see him. It was hard enough saying goodbye once, I can't do it again. I wish it were as easy for me as it seems to be for him, but unfortunately my heart isn't made of stone.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Sometimes We're Kind of Silly...
Yesterday I had a great conversation with Kayleen. Incidentally it was not about my relationship with Drake, but my relationship with Adam. It's not what you're all thinking, I promise. Some of you might even say 'ew', but deal with it. For the past year or so, I have been completely okay with my friendship with Adam. The week before he was leaving for Iraq last year he called me and we had this whole long discussion about everything that had ever happened while we dated, and what went wrong and what was right and blah blah blah. After that, things were really okay. I could finally really truly forgive him and be okay that his place in my life was as my friend and nothing else. When I got to see him on St Patrick's Day, it was great. As I said, when I walked into the house, he got this big goofy grin on his face and gave me a big hug and everything was right as rain. In all this time I have loved Adam as a friend and that's all, hard for some of you to believe, I know, especially those of you who were there after the first break-up. But true story, that's how I feel.
So Kayleen and I were talking last about EVERYTHING, we talked about me and Drake, we talked about me and Adam, we talked about how Kayleen and I feared for our very lives when we lived together two summers ago (for reasons I will get into later because they're good stories, ha ha). Then she says, "I don't mean this to sound harsh, but..." and goes on to say when she sees Adam and I, she doesn't ever see us in a relationship, and that as weird as it sounds because we did date for a long time, that it's almost like we're brother and sister. I know, I know, only in Deep South that's allowed, but I get what she's saying, because that's how I have kind of seen it, especially since St Patty's Day. We love each other, there's no denying that, but it's not LOVE LOVE. It's affection for a good friend who I happened to date a long time ago. It's best friend love. I love Adam the way I love Teetz - even when Teetz is being a goober. And Kayleen was right on with a lot of the stuff she said, because when you see Adam and I together, there's nothing even resembling flirting, there's no chemistry of THAT kind. We have good friend chemistry and I am thankful for that, because if I can forgive Adam and move on, I can forgive just about anything. Except Ugg Boots. I can never forgive THAT.
But our conversation was not entirely about my relationship history. It also involved reminiscing about a very hilarious but traumatizing time in our lives, when we lived together in the Apartment of Doom. She still lives there, though she is not doomed anymore now that her roomies are sane, and I felt bad leaving her that Fall when I moved back into the dorms, but she had Melanie so I figured for the most part she'd be okay. We had a lot of good times in that three-month span. We bonded pretty much instantly and I am grateful for that because she is one of my closest friends in the world, and one who is so calming and logical that even when I am freaking out at my very worst, she is one of the few who can just be like, 'Sarah, slow down' and usually it works. I remember a lot of craziness from this time, not just Kayleen and I being silly, but actual legit craziness that I won't get into because the girl in question is seriously loco, but still. Kayleen and I played Nintendo ALL THE TIME. We lucked out that our work schedules were pretty much the same so after laying outside tanning in the back parking lot behind the garages where people couldn't see us and our very white skin, we'd play a little Mario before heading off to work. Or, during random downpours we'd decide it was perfect to run around outside and get completely soaking wet and do cartwheels in the grass and splash around and jump in huge puddles. One time we heard some people yelling and stuff in the parking lot when we were in her room. We heard some strange noises and we're trying to be sneaky and stuff but it didn't go well. We decided to stand on our balcony for a little bit and look like we were just chatting, even though we were really trying to figure out what was going on. Then we saw these people we probably shouldn't have seen, and we went back inside really fast and shut off the lights in her room to see what else was going on. We're scanning the parking lot for what seems like forever and there's no movement for a few minutes. Then we get a little bit more brave, thinking no one is out there anymore, so we stand up and try to see better out the window when all the sudden this car squeals out of it's parking spot and races off. So then we're freaking out thinking they were watching for us because they saw us on our balcony. We were absolutely convinced that someone had been murdered and now we were going to be killed too because we knew what happened. Well, what did we do? WE WENT OUTSIDE TO SEE IF THERE WAS A BODY IN THE BUSHES BEHIND THE GARAGE. That's right, we're no chickens. If we were going to die, we were at least going to see why. But alas, no body, but the grass was really tall so it was hard to see, and it was dark. We went back inside and had scared ourselves so silly, we took our pillows and blankets and slept on the floor in the living room because we figured that way we would die together if these killers came back. It's amazing how far into overdrive your imagination can go when it is late at night.
Even though one of my roommates turned out to be insane, I also met one of my best friends that summer, and I pretty much wouldn't trade that for all the sane roomies in the world.
So Kayleen and I were talking last about EVERYTHING, we talked about me and Drake, we talked about me and Adam, we talked about how Kayleen and I feared for our very lives when we lived together two summers ago (for reasons I will get into later because they're good stories, ha ha). Then she says, "I don't mean this to sound harsh, but..." and goes on to say when she sees Adam and I, she doesn't ever see us in a relationship, and that as weird as it sounds because we did date for a long time, that it's almost like we're brother and sister. I know, I know, only in Deep South that's allowed, but I get what she's saying, because that's how I have kind of seen it, especially since St Patty's Day. We love each other, there's no denying that, but it's not LOVE LOVE. It's affection for a good friend who I happened to date a long time ago. It's best friend love. I love Adam the way I love Teetz - even when Teetz is being a goober. And Kayleen was right on with a lot of the stuff she said, because when you see Adam and I together, there's nothing even resembling flirting, there's no chemistry of THAT kind. We have good friend chemistry and I am thankful for that, because if I can forgive Adam and move on, I can forgive just about anything. Except Ugg Boots. I can never forgive THAT.
But our conversation was not entirely about my relationship history. It also involved reminiscing about a very hilarious but traumatizing time in our lives, when we lived together in the Apartment of Doom. She still lives there, though she is not doomed anymore now that her roomies are sane, and I felt bad leaving her that Fall when I moved back into the dorms, but she had Melanie so I figured for the most part she'd be okay. We had a lot of good times in that three-month span. We bonded pretty much instantly and I am grateful for that because she is one of my closest friends in the world, and one who is so calming and logical that even when I am freaking out at my very worst, she is one of the few who can just be like, 'Sarah, slow down' and usually it works. I remember a lot of craziness from this time, not just Kayleen and I being silly, but actual legit craziness that I won't get into because the girl in question is seriously loco, but still. Kayleen and I played Nintendo ALL THE TIME. We lucked out that our work schedules were pretty much the same so after laying outside tanning in the back parking lot behind the garages where people couldn't see us and our very white skin, we'd play a little Mario before heading off to work. Or, during random downpours we'd decide it was perfect to run around outside and get completely soaking wet and do cartwheels in the grass and splash around and jump in huge puddles. One time we heard some people yelling and stuff in the parking lot when we were in her room. We heard some strange noises and we're trying to be sneaky and stuff but it didn't go well. We decided to stand on our balcony for a little bit and look like we were just chatting, even though we were really trying to figure out what was going on. Then we saw these people we probably shouldn't have seen, and we went back inside really fast and shut off the lights in her room to see what else was going on. We're scanning the parking lot for what seems like forever and there's no movement for a few minutes. Then we get a little bit more brave, thinking no one is out there anymore, so we stand up and try to see better out the window when all the sudden this car squeals out of it's parking spot and races off. So then we're freaking out thinking they were watching for us because they saw us on our balcony. We were absolutely convinced that someone had been murdered and now we were going to be killed too because we knew what happened. Well, what did we do? WE WENT OUTSIDE TO SEE IF THERE WAS A BODY IN THE BUSHES BEHIND THE GARAGE. That's right, we're no chickens. If we were going to die, we were at least going to see why. But alas, no body, but the grass was really tall so it was hard to see, and it was dark. We went back inside and had scared ourselves so silly, we took our pillows and blankets and slept on the floor in the living room because we figured that way we would die together if these killers came back. It's amazing how far into overdrive your imagination can go when it is late at night.
Even though one of my roommates turned out to be insane, I also met one of my best friends that summer, and I pretty much wouldn't trade that for all the sane roomies in the world.
Friday, June 02, 2006
Dun Dun Dunnnnnn
Today is The Day. You'll see what I mean.
*****EDIT*****
It is now 4:29 pm. I don't have pictures mostly because you wouldn't really be able to tell the difference but I cut off a good chunk of hair. Five inches to be exact. It was hard, and though some of you may scoff at a mere five inches but this is ME and MY HAIR we're talking about. I have the most awesome hair of anyone I know, and I know a lot of people. Still, it feels lighter already and I probably won't get such headaches, which makes me happy, because not only is my hair insanely long, it is insanely thick. The girl could not get enough clips in my hair to keep it out of her way when she was cutting the sections. But it looks great. I've never really had split ends at all, and my hair is really healthy, but now it looks even better and I am happy.
In other news, I smell like sunscreen and my butt is sweating. Gross, I know, but sunscreen and sweat in June can only mean one thing: HUSKER REGIONAL AT HAYMARKET PARK. It was so hot today, my brain was cooking inside my head just a little bit. Sadly, we lost 4-1, but thank goodness it is double-elimination. We play at one tomorrow against the loser of tonight's game between San Fran and Miami. I hate Miami. I can't believe we lost. This is turning out to be the crappiest June ever.
EVER.
*****EDIT*****
It is now 4:29 pm. I don't have pictures mostly because you wouldn't really be able to tell the difference but I cut off a good chunk of hair. Five inches to be exact. It was hard, and though some of you may scoff at a mere five inches but this is ME and MY HAIR we're talking about. I have the most awesome hair of anyone I know, and I know a lot of people. Still, it feels lighter already and I probably won't get such headaches, which makes me happy, because not only is my hair insanely long, it is insanely thick. The girl could not get enough clips in my hair to keep it out of her way when she was cutting the sections. But it looks great. I've never really had split ends at all, and my hair is really healthy, but now it looks even better and I am happy.
In other news, I smell like sunscreen and my butt is sweating. Gross, I know, but sunscreen and sweat in June can only mean one thing: HUSKER REGIONAL AT HAYMARKET PARK. It was so hot today, my brain was cooking inside my head just a little bit. Sadly, we lost 4-1, but thank goodness it is double-elimination. We play at one tomorrow against the loser of tonight's game between San Fran and Miami. I hate Miami. I can't believe we lost. This is turning out to be the crappiest June ever.
EVER.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
June Is My Least Favorite Month
I was having a really great day today, despite it being June. One of the best days I've had in a long time, actually. I was at work, I sold an extended warranty, everything was awesome, my managers love me and then...
I take my lunch and there's a text message. From him.
My day got a whole lot cloudier after that.
********EDIT********
Songs that will never be my first dance:
Feels Like Home - Chantel Kreviazuk
More Than Anyone - Gavin DeGraw
Bless the Broken Road - Rascal Flatts
The One - Shakira
Making Memories of Us - Keith Urban
Valentine - Martina McBride
Perfect - Sara Evans
I take my lunch and there's a text message. From him.
My day got a whole lot cloudier after that.
********EDIT********
Songs that will never be my first dance:
Feels Like Home - Chantel Kreviazuk
More Than Anyone - Gavin DeGraw
Bless the Broken Road - Rascal Flatts
The One - Shakira
Making Memories of Us - Keith Urban
Valentine - Martina McBride
Perfect - Sara Evans
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